Amy Lauger, Friendships in the Church

A dear friend of mine from my former home of northern Virginia passed away this past Friday. In some ways, we were typical friends. We often sat together at church, we’d regularly share Sunday lunches and other meals together, and we loved to share stories and play games with each other. But our relationship was also atypical. I’m in my twenties and she was in her eighties.

In these days following Mrs. Kennedy’s death, I’ve been reflecting about how wonderful it was to know her while I lived in the Washington, DC area. I haven’t lived in the same city as any family members since I was 17 years old. When I was in college, I was rarely around anyone more than a few years older than I. It wasn’t much different when I moved to Washington. I lived in apartment complexes mostly inhabited by young professionals and attended a fairly large church where most ministries were divided among “age and stage” lines. It was hard to figure out how to develop relationships with many men or women in a different season of life. My church spent much effort strategizing how to change that.

Then there was Mrs. Kennedy. There was no program we were in and no ministry strategy to put us together. We just became friends. In fact, Mrs. Kennedy became friends with many of us twenty-somethings. Most of us were alike in that we had left our home states and our families to become Washingtonian professionals. Mrs. Kennedy became like a grandmother away from home for us. It was such a delight to have her join us at events from lunches to showers and weddings. One time we invited her to a meeting for young adults in the church. I remember she stood up and shared with us for a few minutes. I don’t remember a word of it, but I do remember we were all stunned by her wisdom and thankful that she had joined us that day.

I wish now that I had spent more time with Mrs. Kennedy. She had such wisdom gleaned from a long life as a faithful Christian and exuberated such love and joy when she was around us. I’m left wondering how much I’m missing by not cultivating relationships more often with older women and men, who have been learning and living the Christian life much longer than I have. What a shame it is that I am not tapping in on that resource.

Cross-generational relationships are essential for the health of the body of Christ. It is unfortunate that they are often not integral to our lives. The disconnectedness I feel seems to be the norm for my peers. They have often expressed the same desire for such relationships and are frustrated by how difficult it is to develop them. I wonder if part of the problem is that it seems to be too much of a chore for everyone involved. Or perhaps we think the stream of benefits only runs one way. The beauty of my experience with Mrs. Kennedy is that neither of those was true. We enjoyed our chances to spend time together and to do things for each other. And I am indeed blessed to have known her.

Comments

[keely]

Amy (a.k.a. powerpoint queen)-

*SO* well stated. Most times I find myself feeling like pursuing intergenerational relationships is a chore, but it is always so rewarding.

A beautiful tribute to Mrs. Kennedy! It inspires me to want to begin visiting in the local nursing home.

Thanks for the encouragement!
keely

[Christina G.]

Amy,
This is so true. If you think about it any friendship can be seen as a chore, especially in the early stages. All relationships take work, the question becomes do we really want to spend the time and often the real answer is no. We don't want to take the time to have relationships with people different then we are because it takes more work. This is a sad fact in most of our lives, mine included. When we become friends with like minded people with similar interests it takes a little of the hard work out of it. I believe that for Churches to be healthy we do need to break down some of the boundaries that segregate and separate the different groups of people. We are all part of ONE body and we need to remember that. Thanks for your insight and your love for Mrs. Kennedy. It is a reminder to everyone who reads this that relationships are worth the trouble.

[Amy Lauger]

Keely, thanks for the encouragement. But I don't know anything about this powerpoint queen business...

Christina, thanks for your helpful comments. I think you're right about wanting the easy relationships. But unfortunately we miss so much when we always take the easy road.

[Jerdone Davis]

Amy, Your comments are very insightful, and you know, echo my desire for the church-at-large. Afterall, my whole dissertation was on this subject--but in the area of what younger women could do to help, befriend, and tap into the wisdom of the older generation, such as your precious friend, Mrs. Kennedy.

Well written, my young friend!! Well done!

[Brace Kennedy]

Hi Amy! We are deeply touched and appreciative by your rememberances of Katie. She frequently spoke of her young friends at church and was so pleased that they wanted to sit and spend time with her. She was always a very active lady, as evidenced by her many ongoing projects at home. That vitality seemed to over flow onto those around her. We shall all miss Katies infectuous smile, but the radiance of it will always glow in our hearts. Bless you, Amy, and thank you for sharing your heart and time with our mom. Brace Kennedy

[Amy Lauger]

Brace, it's so good to hear from you, and I'm glad someone told you about this site. I am sorry for the loss of your mother. She spoke of you often and was so glad to have you nearby. As I said in my article, I am blessed to have known her and to spend some time with her. What an amazing lady!

Amy